you are my destruction

I’m being haunted by a ghost.
He’s never really there,
but sometimes he makes a sound,
and makes me think I’m not alone.

He’s like cigarettes to me;
they both destroy me slowly,
but I can’t stop reaching for them when I’m low.

He doesn’t know how to love;
he can only run away.
But I, when I feel something,
I run towards it with all my heart.
I’m not afraid to love,
and I’m not scared of ghosts.

ellerin (your hands)

your hands,
always seeking mine to hold for comfort;
at night, wielding a knife to cook for me;
when you write, holding your pen the wrong way,
and holding on way too tightly;
your hands, my love,
are precious to me.

they are calloused from work;
there’s dust under your fingernails.
still,
even if divine angels came down from heaven,
and reached their holy hands out to me,
I would reach for yours instead,
because your hands, my love,
ellerin,
they captivate me, then set me free.

anorexia

My brain is trying to kill my body slowly:
“You ate yesterday; you don’t need to eat today.”
What kind of self-destructive reasoning is that?
Anorexia:
skip meals all day; eat cake at night.
You need those calories, after all,
but they make you feel more tired than before.
Get a hold of yourself; you’re an adult!
Besides, what’s so bad about being fat?
“You won’t fit your favorite clothes.”
So what? You’ll buy some new ones.
“You want to be the smallest person in the room,
don’t you?”
Yeah,
and I hate it.

openness 📖

How much would you like to know about me?
You can care only so much.
You don’t want to know every struggle
that every individual goes through.

How much do you really want to know
about my background, sexuality, passions, and loves?
Maybe we can connect
if you find a thread that ties us together.

Do you really want to know
what makes me sad, angry, indignant?
Will you grow hateful and malicious,
if we don’t see eye to eye?

Before I lay myself out in the open,
before I strip my heart bare,
I just wanted to ask:
do you really want to know me?

⚡ADHD⚡

I forgot what I was going to say;
it’s on the tip of my tongue.
Here comes a torrent of new thought;
do I have it in me to make sense of it all?

My hands long to be busy;
my toes will not stop wriggling in anxiety.
Peace is a concept foreign to me;
although dad says it can be found in piety.

I no longer have faith, so I won’t pray
to God to cure my ADHD.
I just take it day by day,
and hope that I can just be.

Galen Leather Review ðŸ“”

I first ordered from Galen Leather a few weeks ago and I have been using their journal covers ever since then. They are a small company based in my hometown, Istanbul, and they have received a lot of attention in the recent years due to the online journaling community. They sell handmade leather products, office supplies, and journaling supplies on their site. I am very pleased with the quality of material and the functionality of their products. Overall, I would recommend every item featured in this review. (However, I haven’t used the leather balm yet, so I can’t say whether I’d recommend it.) As always, I am not being paid, nor have I received anything for free, to write this review.

My First Order:

Leather Zippered A5 Folio – Green
& Leather A5 Notebook Cover – Purple

Leather Zippered A5 Folio – Green:

I am using this cover for when I’m on the go, and want to carry just one thing instead of a whole handbag. It’s very convenient that it has card slots.

Pros

  • Beautiful color and material
  • iPad Mini sleeve
  • Removable key holder
  • Zippered
  • Card slots
  • Removable pen holder

Cons

  • When used with a thick notebook, an iPad does not fit in the sleeve; it kind of fits, but the zipper will not close.

Leather A5 Notebook Cover – Purple:

I use this cover daily to hold my Tekukor A5 journal.

Pros

  • Beautiful color and material
  • iPad Mini sleeve
  • Card slots
  • Elastic cover band

Cons

  • When used with a thick notebook, an iPad does not fit in the sleeve.
  • The strap at the top is not a snap closure; it’s not able to open.
  • The purple is a little darker than the image at Galen Leather’s online shop.

My Second Order:

Leather Slip-N-Zip Zippered Pen Pouch – Brown
Detachable iPhone Leather Wallet Case
Wood Desk Organizer – Pen and Tool Holder – Mahogany
Wooden Washi Tape Dispenser – Mahogany (2)

& Leather Balm

Leather Slip-N-Zip Zippered Pen Pouch – Brown

I am using this pen pouch as a clutch. I love that the pen holder is removable, so I can just put my slim wallet and phone in and go!

Pros

  • Beautiful color and material
  • Removable pen holder
  • Zippered

Cons

  • None, to be honest.

Detachable iPhone Leather Wallet Case

I did not like this product as much as I thought I would. The magnets are not very strong, and the case doesn’t stay closed if I put cards in it. 😢

Pros

  • Beautiful color and material
  • Card slots
  • Detachable phone case

Cons

  • Magnetic closure does not close when cards are in the wallet; the magnets are not that strong.
  • The ID screen is not transparent.

Wood Desk Organizer – Pen and Tool Holder – Mahogany

I am using this product to hold my Cricut accessories and paper crafting supplies.

Pros

  • Variety of slots: 4 big holes and 10 small holes
  • Beautiful color and material
  • Sturdy; does not fall over

Cons

  • None, to be honest.

Wooden Washi Tape Dispenser – Mahogany (2)

I am using this product to easily access my (too many) rolls of washi tape and dispense them with ease.

Pros

  • Beautiful color and material
  • Holds many tape rolls
  • Metal dispensing tab

Cons

  • The wooden roll to hold the tapes is a little too thick for some of my smaller washi tapes.
  • When stacked, you cannot use the bottom dispenser.

Leather Balm

I have not used this product yet. Therefore, I cannot offer my opinion on it.